THE NEW LEAF

It took trying on four pairs of jeans for me to realize that I had a happy pandemic, as far as food is concerned. My old size is not working for me. I am sad that I had to re-up my membership to what used to be called Weight Watchers, but now is just a catchy set of initials: WW.

Here is a list of what I will be trying to love over the next month, or as long as it takes me to get back into those jeans in my closet:

  • Kale
  • Water
  • Poached eggs
  • Butter spray
  • Whole wheat everything
  • Zoodles (not exactly sure what they are, but they sound nothing like pasta)
  • Oatmeal, which everyone in the world but me thinks is filling
  • Cauliflower rice
  • Quinoa
  • Calling cherry tomatoes a snack
  • Skinless boneless chicken
  • Counting points
  • Portion control
  • Limitless blueberries
  • All the bamboo shoots you can eat

Here is a list of what I will yearn for:

  • Real pasta
  • Real butter
  • More than one half slice of cheese
  • Popsicles, because I can’t seem to stop at one
  • Pizza
  • Smiling over a big helping of mac and cheese
  • Appetizers
  • Real butter
  • Ordering fries with that
  • White rice
  • Asking for the dessert menu

However, I look forward to:

  • Sliding effortlessly into my pants
  • Laughing gaily as I pass on dessert
  • Feeling stuffed after eating three Triscuits
  • Wondering why on earth anyone would want seconds
  • Turning away in disgust at a bowl of Fritos
  • Feeling at one with Oprah and that English guy from Carpool Karaoke
  • Going off WW

It will be fine. I am a determined person. My pants await.

 

 

 

 

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