THE NEW LEAF

It took trying on four pairs of jeans for me to realize that I had a happy pandemic, as far as food is concerned. My old size is not working for me. I am sad that I had to re-up my membership to what used to be called Weight Watchers, but now is just a catchy set of initials: WW.

Here is a list of what I will be trying to love over the next month, or as long as it takes me to get back into those jeans in my closet:

• Kale
• Water
• Poached eggs
• Butter spray
• Whole wheat everything
• Zoodles (not exactly sure what they are, but they sound nothing like pasta)
• Oatmeal, which everyone in the world but me thinks is filling
• Cauliflower rice
• Quinoa
• Calling cherry tomatoes a snack
• Skinless boneless chicken
• Counting points
• Portion control
• Limitless blueberries
• All the bamboo shoots you can eat

Here is a list of what I will yearn for:

• Real pasta
• Real butter
• More than one half slice of cheese
• Popsicles, because I can’t seem to stop at one
• Pizza
• Smiling over a big helping of mac and cheese
• Appetizers
• Real butter
• Ordering fries with that
• White rice
• Asking for the dessert menu

However, I look forward to:

• Sliding effortlessly into my pants
• Laughing gaily as I pass on dessert
• Feeling stuffed after eating three Triscuits
• Wondering why on earth anyone would want seconds
• Turning away in disgust at a bowl of Fritos
• Feeling at one with Oprah and that English guy from Carpool Karaoke
• Going off WW

It will be fine. I am a determined person. My pants await.