THE MANY LIVES OF LENTILS

It is getting worse. According to a recent article in the New York Times, COVID is so ubiquitous that contract tracing is now impossible. People get it and have no idea where they got it. Even people who don’t even go inside stores get it. We know it floats around in the air, so taking a walk or playing golf is fraught. With winter coming, we are all going to be inside our homes more than ever. We are no better off than last winter.

So what to do? You all know that I have had no luck with acquiring a hobby. I have had numerous suggestions, including car detailing, from a person who obviously does not know me. Anyway, the hobby search is ongoing.

I spend a lot of time scrolling my news feeds, especially since the election is coming up. My Google feed is “customized” for me (as I am sure yours is for you, based upon your search history). Food is a major category for me, since I have to come up with dinner nightly, and it is getting to be a major challenge. Wait. It has always been a major challenge.

I have two entire categories devoted to food. One is for casseroles. The pandemic calls for those. Another is for vegetarian. These categories do cross occasionally.

So today I got two separate notifications for an article, the headline which I featured, above. I always thought of the common lentil as a sort of bean-like entity that one might add to soup or maybe throw in chili as a filler. You know, to make the dish a bit more hefty. I can count on one hand the recipes that I have for lentils. Actually, I can count them on one finger: lentil soup. Period.

So imagine my surprise that lentils have many lives. Without reading the article, which I guessed would contain way more lentil information than I would ever want or need, I just guessed at a few of them.

  • Perhaps you could put some in a sock and heat them in the microwave to put/wrap around your forehead if you have a migraine.
  • If your sidewalk freezes up and you don’t want to go into the hardware store because of the virus, would tossing lentils around make for better traction?
  • Out of birdseed? Maybe birds like lentils. I bet the squirrels would eat them.
  • There is probably an earth mother somewhere who would make lentil stuffing for her Tofurkey.
  • What if you planted one? Would it grow into an interesting house plant?
  • Green lentils could be sort of decorative. I bet there is a designer on HGTV who has used them to fill a clear glass decanter featured on the open shelving in the kitchen with the waterfall island and herringbone marble floor.
  • Lentil would be a cute name for a small dog.

Anyway, it is a testimony to these hard times that somebody wrote an entire column about the many lives of lentils. We are all running out of ideas.

Capers. At least twenty lives, right?

 

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