I used to be a big fan of “The Young and the Restless.” There were other Soaps I liked also, but I watched the restless ones for years. Of course, we all know that once you sign on with a Soap, you can feel free to leave it for up to a year, and when you tune back in, it will only take five minutes to catch up. I digress already. What I really think is amazing about Soap Operas are the homes of the characters. They are all gorgeous. 

If you are young and restless, but don’t have a job, you live in a loft. This loft has exposed brick walls, suede furniture, and abstract art. It doesn’t matter if you are a waitress in a coffee shop or work cleaning the machines at a health club: you live in a lovely loft. 

If you are some sort of very rich CEO type, like “Victor,” (the one we love to hate), you live in a mansion with lots of crystal and chintz. There is a pool. All the “Victor” types on Soap Operas have live–in staff and drink liquor out of decanters. I have also noted an abundance of chandeliers and dried flower arrangements. The rich people on Soaps go to exclusive clubs to have lunch, where they order martinis and salads. They never take any bites. I think it is because they can’t afford to do lots of “takes” on the Soap Operas, and it’s a risk to let a character take a bite and then talk. Spinach might stick on the teeth. 

If you are a minx, and every Soap has at least one, there are two things about you: First, you wear very low cut, sleeveless tops to the office, even in winter, and second, there is a vanity with a mirror in your bedroom. Those bitchy women on the Soaps spend a whole lot of time sitting in front of vanity mirrors in scanty lingerie with ribbons, combing their hair. They have king size beds with at least twelve silk pillows. 

There are no kitchens in Soap Operas. There are basically four locations: someone’s fantastically decorated living room with sectional sofas, the office where the power resides, also decorated with sectionals and big art, the restaurant or club where the minx meets the husbands of all her best friends, and jail. Every Soap character gets caught doing something and has to go to jail, where he or she spends all the time getting visitors and making phone calls. Even Soap Opera jail cells are pretty attractive. 

It is no wonder that Soap Operas are addictive. We all love to follow the plots. We wish we could have handsome spouses and multiple lovers. We agonize about the Friday afternoon cliffhangers. We hate it when our favorite characters get amnesia.  But most of all, we love the suede sectionals.

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