I have a few sterling silver odds and ends. Mostly things I got as wedding gifts 43 years ago. Nut dishes were apparently in vogue back then. I never used to take out my silver things, but about five years ago, I decided that since I had the stuff, I was about the right age to start using it. Somehow, sterling silver nut dishes look out of place in the homes of people under fifty. 

As I polished, I tried not to go at it too hard. I recall some decorating pundit like Sister Parrish saying that patina is very important: we don’t want our things to look as if we just got them at Tiffany’s. Or in my case, at Macy’s. 

This got me thinking about myself, as I looked at my hands as they rubbed. My God, I have patina! And I am not a fan of patina on people. Diana Vreeland had it. Yikes. Katherine Hepburn, bless her doddering head wobbles, had it. Queen Elizabeth has it.

I don’t want it. I want to go to my grave patinaless. Audrey Hepburn didn’t get any; she looked classically gorgeous until the end. Grace Kelly never really got a chance to get any. Lauren Bacall has eluded it. Is it because all of these women were stars, and never had to polish silver, do the dishes, or make a bed? Does being your own household help give you that “worn around the edges” look? 

Or maybe plastic surgeons have something to do with all of this. I certainly don’t want to avoid patina with Botox and using my own posterior fat to fill in the cracks. I started exfoliating a long time ago, but maybe that is wearing out the skin that I have. Oh, no. I do remember the advice of the doctor who removed some of my moles. When I asked him about the crepey stuff on my neck, he said “Well, just jut your chin out more. That tends to take up the slack.” 

So if you run into me doing errands, chin jutting with an arrogant air about me, don’t think that just because I managed to get a book published, I am now a snob. It’s the neck…


 Speaking of books, you can buy mine right here. Just click on my book cover! And have you read my book? Then I would be in your debt if you would review it on Amazon or Goodreads. Book reviews sell books. And I MAY need Botox before too much longer! 



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