PANDEMIC DIARY PART who knows what day this is?

At no time in our living history has this happened. The world is closed, and we are all shut-ins. Sidebar: I was absolutely prescient to write an entire novel about shut-ins. You should read it if you haven’t already. The World Came to Us is on Amazon).

Notes from my little spot on the planet

  • Plan. Spend at least 45 minutes getting ready to get dressed. Think about what I might wear. If I stay in pajamas, every time I see my husband completely attired in his jeans, flannel shirt, and for God’s sake, socks and shoes, I will feel like a sloth. But, deciding which pair of leggings to wear, and if a bra would somehow make me look more like a civilized human TAKES TIME. So. Lie on the bed and ponder.
  • Worry. Check the pantry multiple times a day. I don’t have any dried beans. All the pundits like Ina Garten mention dried beans at least twice in their interviews in the New York Times. Will farro do?
  • Make an online shopping list for curbside delivery. Forget to put down milk and peanut butter, so that my husband has to risk his life by going actually INSIDE the grocery to get those. And I know he won’t wear the mask. But I am way too scared to go. However, coffee without milk is unthinkable. So yes, risk his life for the coffee. And p b and j. Oh, and have him get some dried beans.
  • Turn even the smallest activity into a massive project. For instance, empty the dishwasher by taking every clean thing out, placing it on the countertop, grouping into categories (silverware in one pile,  a small plates stack, a big plates stack, and the spatulas in a separate pile) and THEN putting each thing away. This doubles the amount of time spent, and poof, before I know it, it’s time for either lunch or a nap.
  • Sigh at least seventy times each hour.
  • Worry. How obvious are my white roots? Why does my haircut look so awful these days? How much weight am I gaining? Will I remember how to put on eyeliner in two months?
  • Worry. What if my husband or I actually get this and die?
  • Exercise. But also worry about viral particles in the slipstream of others.
  • Stop reading articles about things like the slipstream of others.
  • Say a prayer of thanks for Mike DeWine.
  • Nap. They all say it is necessary to nap.
  • Forgive myself for my napping, slothful ways. They say we should go easy on ourselves.
  • Put Oreos on the next online shopping order.
  • Worry.
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