This is what we like to do on a Saturday in the midst of summer in the heartland: Get in the car. Turn on the AC. Drive out into the country (this gets harder and harder to do–urban sprawl). Look at all the cornfields. Exclaim about how picturesque everything is. Note the bigness of the sky and the rusty redness of the barns.

Take a turn onto a road you have never driven on before, despite the fact that you have lived in this same location for over thirty years. Point out the beautiful, old farmhouses. Speculate on how long you could actually live way out in the boondocks without getting bored, complaining about how long it takes to get to a grocery store, and feeling totally isolated. Discuss what kind of farm dogs you would have (one border collie, because that’s a given, if he is calm, and maybe a big ol’ black lab), and keep your eyes peeled for farm stands.

Find at least three stands. Get a few ears of corn at each one. Add in some big tomatoes (make them swear they grew those themselves), a handful of cucumbers, and a watermelon. Take another road home that isn’t familiar.

When you get home, finally, slice the cucumbers and salt. Put them in a colander to drain. Nap.

Wake up an hour later, rinse and drain the cucumbers, blot with paper towels, then mix with 2 T oil, 1 tsp sugar, and 1 T red wine vinegar. Add some chives. Put in the fridge.

For dinner, grill some sausages, slice the tomatoes, boil the corn for five minutes, making sure to keep the corns from each stand separate, so you can do a taste test and compare. Vow to take notes so you can remember which farmer has the best corn. Eat yourself silly.

Wish watermelons still had seeds so that you could have a spitting contest.

Totally forget about taking notes.

Clean up, use dental floss, and then watch Masterpiece Theatre.

The end.

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