There is a set of directions for anyone who is moving, getting rid of things, and having the rest of their belongings featured in an estate sale. I have been to estate sales, but I have never had one.

The folks who are handling our sale are experts. They have been doing these sales for over thirty years, and their list of clients is impressive. Therefore, they have a whole lot of credibility. They handed me a list of “dos and don’ts,” which I am following to the letter.

The main rule, which I unwittingly violated before I hired the estate sale people, is NEVER THROW ANYTHING AWAY OR DONATE IT. Apparently, people will buy anything. I got rid of a whole bunch of things I shouldn’t have, such as the Le Creuset roaster that weighed ten pounds, a bundt pan, fifteen mismatched place mats, and a boatload of Tupperware. That was before I hired the estate sale people. Now I know better.

So, as you can see in the photo above, I am counting on one estate sale attendee who has a craving for Cream of Celery Soup. I also have a small dish full of paperclips, my collection of purloined hotel soaps, an unopened container of Metamucil, six plastic rulers, my collection of vintage lint rollers, and of course, guest towels for every occasion.

I will be selling things that will have more general appeal as well: antiques, oriental rugs, two sets of dishes, a dining table (antique) and eight chairs, sofas galore, my extensive collection of antique stoneware pottery, and much more.

Another rule for estate sales that has merit: DO NOT ATTEND YOUR OWN ESTATE SALE. This is to prevent the emotional trauma of watching complete strangers “pawing” through your things and perhaps making disparaging remarks. This is particularly pertinent for me, as I am certain that I would try to A: punch someone commenting that “Only old people would want any of this stuff,” or B: try to buy back my own things in a fit of remorse.

If you live in Dayton, come on over to the sale. It starts December 12 and ends December 15 at 625 Oakwood Avenue, Oakwood 45419. Get there on the first day, while the soup is still available…

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