Today, I decided to “cheat” on the Weight Watchers. Of course, the Weight Watchers don’t actually care what I do, so cheating on them is actually cheating on myself, but there we are.

Anyway, I ate a cookie. It wasn’t worth it. Dry, not enough chocolate chips. I was sad that I had gone ahead and eaten it. That got me thinking about all of the things in life so far that have been so disappointing. Things that held so much promise until I tried them.

While on the subject of food, let’s talk about salmon. It is luscious looking. Pink, flaky. It is always served with wonderful additions like dill, bagels, or roasted asparagus. The presentation is stunning. And every single time, when I venture a bite, it is so damn strong and fishy, I can’t believe it. How do so many people love salmon? They eat it raw, for God’s sake, as well as cooked! These must be the people who also adore caviar, piled on a cracker with egg yolk. They wash it down with champagne. I get the champagne part. But fishy fish is so much of a non-starter for me. And sushi. What is wrong with me that I can’t get on the sushi bandwagon?

And some foods just look so beautiful, one figures they must also taste that beautiful. But no. Have you ever had a Petit Four? They are like little presents. So adorable, sitting on a plate covered with tiny violets and pastel frosting. Cut one in half, and there are ribbons of cake and jam. Heaven, right? Nope! Petit fours are terrible. And let’s switch over to appetizers: why on earth is CALAMARI so popular? Deep fat fried rings of rubber? Come, on, people!

Movies. Oh Lord. The ones so many people rave about; I just don’t get it. Going way back to Quentin Tarantino and all the way back to Ingmar Bergman. The Seventh Seal. Didn’t get it then, tried it again during the pandemic, and I still don’t get it. Also, I made it through the first five minutes of Mank before getting so bored, I had to switch over to HGTV.

This may say more about me than the things that have let me down so far in life, but I bet you can come up with a few things that you have felt did not deserve the build-up. Like maybe cashmere? HOT. It makes me sweaty. Doesn’t it make you sweaty? Do you put on that cashmere sweater and then wish you could take it off but you can’t, because you are sitting in the theatre and you don’t have a shirt on under it? So you get drenched and forget what the play is about?

Speaking of plays. Shakespeare. Now there’s a guy who doesn’t live up to his reputation. Can anybody just read Shakespeare and understand what on earth it is all about without the translation of an English professor? The only way anybody I know can understand Shakespeare in real time is if Benedict Cumberbatch or Dame Judi Dench is saying it. Of course, I also feel that way about the Bible. I can’t cut through the language barrier, despite the fact that all sorts of people of all walks of life have read it over and over, going so far as to memorize large portions of it.

Meditation is all the rage right now. What with the pandemic and all the horrible political goings-on, so many people have turned to it for its calming and soothing properties. Not me. You can rub your singing bowls and chant for hours, but all I will be able to do while sitting in the lotus position is think about why my knees ache.

So, that is all for now. I just got this great book from the library. I have heard it is one of the greatest works of literature ever. Yup. I can’t wait to dig in to Infinite Jest.




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