DEAL BREAKERS

In the news: honest. A man asked the internet if he should be worried about the way his girlfriend used butter. See the above photo–was she a psychopath or not?

This man, along with so many others, felt that one should scrape a morsel of butter from the top of the tub, so that the butter would diminish in a level fashion, with the tub completely covered by butter until the tub was scraped clean with one final swipe. His girlfriend apparently dug down in the tub, leaving half of it full as she went along, attacking first the left side of the tub, and then the right side.

This begs the question: if you are looking in the tub of butter in order to come up with a reason to end a relationship, then the problem may be you and not your girlfriend. However, differences in the approach to things such as butter use can certainly cause annoyance. I can cite a few examples from my own life.

  • My husband affixes a chip clip to the end of the toothpaste tube, so that the paste remains even, and as the paste gets used up, he twists the tube and moves the clip, so that none is left in the bottom of the tube to go to waste. He refuses to squeeze the tube in the middle like the rest of us sane people, leaving a crumpled and forlorn mess at the end. He is fastidious. Or a psychopath.
  • Whenever my husband gets, for instance, a new golf shirt, he throws away or donates one of his current shirts. Thus, he does not have “old clothes.” Who on earth can exist without old clothes? What does he do if he has to paint something? Or clean something disgusting? He has to do it in “good clothes,” for God’s sake. Again–the “p” word–see above.
  • My husband says that if you walk outside with a glass of milk in your hand, the milk is no longer potable the second the exterior atmosphere hits it. It is immediately warm, potentially sour, and certainly poisonous.
  • If there are, say, two boxes of Girl Scout cookies around, you know who won’t open the Thin Mints until he has finished the box of Scot Teas. My God, nobody else in the whole universe does this. What’s more, who in heaven’s name opens Scot Teas first? Everybody knows you have to start with the Thin Mints.
  • Would you wonder about a spouse who eats a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch every single day of his life? This is no exaggeration. How can someone do this without gagging on the ten thousandth sandwich? I am of course, citing my husband on this one, as well.

I would like to introduce the butter tub woman to my husband. I think they would hit it off big time. Kindred spirits. Birds of a feather.

Psychopaths.

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