ALTERNATIVE FACTS

Since we now live in a world in which there is a lot of room, apparently, for alternative facts, I am providing myself with some:

My skin is taut. That lotion that I got on Amazon that says there will be a “noticeable improvement” within 2 days is absolutely true.

I am as attractive today as I was when I was forty. It is due to the lotion mentioned above, as well as the exfoliation gel soap in the shower. Glowing foundation powder helps, but let’s just face it–I am a dead ringer for Marilyn.

I love to hike, swim, and then have a picnic. Bugs don’t bother me. I never sweat.  As a matter of fact, I think that RVing across the country for months with just a few possessions and some beef jerky would be a blast.

I am a New York Times bestselling author. I can say that. I can say that all I want to. I can say that in the shower, in this blog, and mutter it to myself while I am alone in the car.

I just love going to parties. Especially those where I don’t know anybody, because I am both a sparkling conversationalist and an extrovert. The reason I don’t go to more parties is because I am a New York Times bestselling author, and I get tired of people crowding around me, breathlessly asking me what my next book is going to be about.

My husband is 20 years younger than I am, and he works out at the gym six days a week. Friends have remarked that he resembles Aidan Turner. This is another reason why we don’t go to parties. We are very busy here at the house.

I have never been drunk.

The GOP is a party of true statesmen.

 

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