Since we now live in a world in which there is a lot of room, apparently, for alternative facts, I am providing myself with some:
My skin is taut. That lotion that I got on Amazon that says there will be a “noticeable improvement” within 2 days is absolutely true.
I am as attractive today as I was when I was forty. It is due to the lotion mentioned above, as well as the exfoliation gel soap in the shower. Glowing foundation powder helps, but let’s just face it–I am a dead ringer for Marilyn.
I love to hike, swim, and then have a picnic. Bugs don’t bother me. I never sweat. As a matter of fact, I think that RVing across the country for months with just a few possessions and some beef jerky would be a blast.
I am a New York Times bestselling author. I can say that. I can say that all I want to. I can say that in the shower, in this blog, and mutter it to myself while I am alone in the car.
I just love going to parties. Especially those where I don’t know anybody, because I am both a sparkling conversationalist and an extrovert. The reason I don’t go to more parties is because I am a New York Times bestselling author, and I get tired of people crowding around me, breathlessly asking me what my next book is going to be about.
My husband is 20 years younger than I am, and he works out at the gym six days a week. Friends have remarked that he resembles Aidan Turner. This is another reason why we don’t go to parties. We are very busy here at the house.
I have never been drunk.
The GOP is a party of true statesmen.