Here’s the thing: I am a senior citizen who hates hiking, bugs, sunburns, rocks, thorn bushes, and snakes. To me, a walk is going around the block, not scaling mountains. However, my favorite tv series is Alone. Have you watched it? It is the franchise in which a helicopter drops off ten people in a beautiful but very challenging place, and they are each alone. Completely–no camera crew. They film themselves surviving. Oh, and each one can only bring ten things with them. The last person who doesn’t “tap out” wins $500,000.
Why do I love this? I love learning how to make a shelter out of sticks. I will never have to make a shelter out of sticks, but now I know that moss is the best thing to shove between the sticks for insulation.
And hydration is so important. However, you need to boil the water so you don’t get diarrhea.
Everybody on this show gets their primary protein from fish. I hate fish. And the way they have to eat it is to boil it. And of course, they then drink the “broth.” Only two contestants over all twelve seasons have brought salt. So the rest of them are just eating their fish boiled, just boiled. Ok. Some of them, if the fish is large enough, cook it over a fire. But still, no salt. Ugh.
They are all, by the way, survival experts. So they know a ton of things about living out there in the desolation. All they have is a bow and nine arrows, so if they shoot up a tree at a squirrel and miss, they have to expend precious calories finding that arrow, or it’s one less tool. Doesn’t this sound like a great show?
Some of them are lucky enough to kill a big animal, like a deer. They have to process that immediately or the meat goes bad. I take my glasses off for that part, because I feel so sorry for that poor deer. And those darling beavers! Don’t get me started on the beavers.
Those contestants get so dirty! Again, only one so far has brought soap, so they just either go swimming (not so much in the Arctic), or they just get stinky and disheveled. None of them brings a comb, because those ten items have to be crucial for survival, like fishing line and hooks.
Some of them are so confident they don’t even bring a flint to start fires, because they think they can always rub two sticks together. Oh yeah, they are usually the first ones to call for help.
I will never be alone out there. But if I ever am, I will know that there are 40 calories in a scorpion, and if you can’t find any berries to eat, you WILL get constipated. And I swear I would leave the beavers alone.
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