Archives May 2026

Here’s the thing: I am a senior citizen who hates hiking, bugs, sunburns, rocks, thorn bushes, and snakes. To me, a walk is going around the block, not scaling mountains. However, my favorite tv series is Alone. Have you watched it? It is the franchise in which a helicopter drops off ten people in a beautiful but very challenging place, and they are each alone. Completely–no camera crew. They film themselves surviving. Oh, and each one can only bring ten things with them. The last person who doesn’t “tap out” wins $500,000.

Why do I love this? I love learning how to make a shelter out of sticks. I will never have to make a shelter out of sticks, but now I know that moss is the best thing to shove between the sticks for insulation.

And hydration is so important. However, you need to boil the water so you don’t get diarrhea.

Everybody on this show gets their primary protein from fish. I hate fish. And the way they have to eat it is to boil it. And of course, they then drink the “broth.” Only two contestants over all twelve seasons have brought salt. So the rest of them are just eating their fish boiled, just boiled. Ok. Some of them, if the fish is large enough, cook it over a fire. But still, no salt. Ugh.

They are all, by the way, survival experts. So they know a ton of things about living out there in the desolation. All they have is a bow and nine arrows, so if they shoot up a tree at a squirrel and miss, they have to expend precious calories finding that arrow, or it’s one less tool. Doesn’t this sound like a great show?

Some of them are lucky enough to kill a big animal, like a deer. They have to process that immediately or the meat goes bad. I take my glasses off for that part, because I feel so sorry for that poor deer. And those darling beavers! Don’t get me started on the beavers.

Those contestants get so dirty! Again, only one so far has brought soap, so they just either go swimming (not so much in the Arctic), or they just get stinky and disheveled. None of them brings a comb, because those ten items have to be crucial for survival, like fishing line and hooks.

Some of them are so confident they don’t even bring a flint to start fires, because they think they can always rub two sticks together. Oh yeah, they are usually the first ones to call for help.

I will never be alone out there. But if I ever am, I will know that there are 40 calories in a scorpion, and if you can’t find any berries to eat, you WILL get constipated. And I swear I would leave the beavers alone.

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My back hurts. All the time, but especially after I spend hours bending over, doing my favorite hobby, pottery. I am terrible at it, but it is a whole lot of fun. But when I am finished potting for the day and come home, my back muscles scream.

There are exercises for this, and every day I look at the videos that physical therapists post for back relief. I try all  of them, looking for the perfect set of stretches and strengthening ones that will, according to these therapists, “release that knot instantly.” None have done the trick so far. Not instantly, for sure. They all promise instant relief. When relief isn’t instant, I resume searching.

Today, my husband left for church at 8:45. I had just started my exercises. He got home at 11:30, and I was still on the floor, my phone beside me, following along with physical therapist number 12. Nothing had been instant.

You don’t need to worry that I am exercising way too much. Because some of the exercises the therapists suggest are absolutely impossible. I either don’t bend that way, I can’t get my arms to wrap that way, my knees hurt if I squat down that far, or my shoulders won’t flatten against the wall like that. Thus, a lot of the time spent between when my husband leaves and comes back from church are spent down some internet rabbit hole for people with tight backs.

I had no idea that there are 100 exercises for your rhomboids. And my trapezius is screwed as well. And I can’t remember the names of the muscles in my lower back and sides, but they all need help. And there are individual exercises for each of them. As soon as I can find the right ones, I will have my own exercise regimen.

In the meantime, I will continue on the floor in my pajamas, searching for just the right physical therapist. You are probably thinking “Why don’t you go to one in person?”  But that costs money, and the internet therapists are free! Some of them have nice voices and interesting outfits. And they are all very serious and professional.

One of them is bound to show me one that gives me that instant relief. That therapist is out there. I just have to stay on the floor and keep searching.

Meanwhile: