You have your Republicans. You have your Democrats. That’s one way to look at things.
But corn. There are schools of thought on this. I am very much on one side of the corn issue, and the rest of my immediate family, heck, maybe the rest of the world, are on the other side of it.
How on God’s earth can a person sit down to dinner and have just one ear of corn on the cob? One measly ear? And what if that particular ear is starchy? What then–these “one ear” people just quit and eat their hot dog and coleslaw with nary another thought?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?
I was raised right. When corn season rolled around, my mother knew how to do it. She made the rounds of every corn stand and farmer within sensible driving distance, and she got a half dozen ears at each place. AND, she went first thing in the morning, when the picked corn was fresh. Sometimes she went to farms where she could pick the corn herself. She was that dedicated.
This was unfortunately in the era of yellow corn. No Silver Queen yet. No bi-color (which is the only way to go these days). Because yellow corn is starchy by nature, my mom picked small ears only.
The corn was the star of the dinner. Forget steaks, fried chicken, hamburgers, or other filling entrees. She had my dad grill hot dogs. She made sliced tomatoes (she never heard of balsamic) nude (not my mom, the tomatoes) on a platter. Her cucumber salad was world famous. This, of course, was before the internet, so the definition of “world famous” was not what it is today.
Each family member was welcome to as many ears as they wanted.
This bountiful amount of of corn enabled my dad to butter an ear, take one typewriter row of bites, and then if that ear was disappointing, he would cavalierly throw it over his shoulder (we ate on the patio), declaring “No good!” and move on to the next ear.
Each one of us ate at least four ears. My dad could eat maybe six. The whole point was to consume maximum ears, because as we all know, corn season is limited, and one has to take advantage of it.
The corn was the whole point.
I think the reason so many people are indifferent to corn on the cob is that they have never had good corn on the cob. What they think of as corn is just yellow, starchy, old school corn. Few know the experience of biting into an ear, the corn bursting into their mouths with sweetness and crunch, the butter adding that blissful sheen and deliciousness. Salt and pepper not optional.
This sort of ear of corn leads to a second. Still fantastic. The sides are ok-grilled hot dogs and mustard were the tangy opposite of the buttery kernels. The cucumbers, just a bit vinegary and bright. More corn? Pass the platter.
We staggered from the picnic table afterwards, heading for the dental floss. It was so worth it, and nobody was constipated for the rest of the week.
If you eat just one ear of corn, you are a member of the wretched masses. I will die on this hill, thank you.
MY MOM’S CUCUMBER SALAD
Get some good, small cucumbers. Early in the season, you can get those little “pickling” cucumbers. If not, English cucumbers are best. But regular cucumbers will work as well, but you may need to peel them.
Figure one cucumber per person if using big ones; two per person if using pickle cucumbers.
Slice them very thin. Get a colander. Put a layer of cucs in the bottom. Salt them. Keep adding layers and salt until all the cucs are in there. Set the colander in the sink and let the cucs drain for at least an hour.
Rinse them very briefly to wash away some of the salt. Set a dish towel on the counter and spread out the cucs on it. Cover with another towel and press the cucs to get them as dry as possible.
Cut up some chives or a shallot (onions are strong, but if you like them, use onion sliced thinly).
Put the cucs and the chives/onions/shallots in a big bowl.
DRESSING
You may need to double this, depending on the amount of cucs you are having.
1 Tablespoon of vinegar–any kind of what Ina Garten would classify as “good.”
1 Teaspoon of oil–NOT olive oil.
1/2 Teaspoon sugar
a bit of pepper
Combine well. Put in the fridge for at least an hour.
Serve with your GOOD corn.
(Lots of us eat them with other dinners as well, but they pair perfectly with corn.)
Chef’s kiss!
