HOLIDAY

HOLIDAY

As I have said before, if it’s a documentary, I have seen it. Some are so educational, like the ones about Orthodox Jewish households, in which I feel so sorry for the mothers who have to do so much work. The one about Passover Pesach rituals made me very tired for these women. They have to move all the appliances and wash and bleach behind them, wipe down the walls and take everything out of their cupboards to clean them, and search the entire house for leavened bread crumbs. They cover their microwaves, take their toaster ovens out into the garage. Some of them even exchange their stoves for special ones they keep in the garage just for Passover. There is more, but you get it.

Christmas is also put on by women, who do all the decorating, gift buying, wrapping, and baking. I myself have never made a Christmas cookie, because I am, I guess, a less than exemplary homemaker. But my older daughter makes up for this by being Martha Stewart, Ina Garten, and Julia Child rolled into one. I am going to her house for Christmas, and so I get to soak all of that in while sitting on her sofa.

I watched a YouTube video about a darling German couple living in Britain. They have no children, but they do all the things, both British and German, for the holidays. I have to admit that I was a bit taken aback by their “traditional German” Christmas Eve dinner, which consisted of, and I kid you not, boiled hot dogs (they called them sausages), but they were dead ringers for Oscar Meyer weiners, and potato salad that had both apples and tomatoes in it. Also parsley and mustard, as I recall. Boiled hot dogs. Boiled.

There was another, I guess you could call it a documentary, but it was also on YouTube, about women in Hollywood getting extreme plastic surgery just in time for Christmas. One woman wanted to, and really, I am serious, “have the biggest buttocks on record.” They were unbelievable. So unbelievable that I had to call my husband in to watch her walk down the street, and he blanched.

On the “home” channels, they feature all the designers’ homes decked out for Christmas. They all have houses festooned in literally THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS worth of decorations. Of course, they have teams that come in to decorate for them. I can’t imagine one of them mounting a ladder to attach lights to their molding. Also, they all seem to then have huge holiday parties where some sort of special pomegranate or pear flavored cocktail is served to their friends wearing tartan.

I think the concept of Christmas goose sounds really traditional and festive, but I bet it would taste gamey. It’s turkey all the way for us.  A friend’s nephews, when they were small, dubbed their turkey dinner “the Holiday Chicken.” That sounds delicious.

Happy Holidays to all of you out there. I will be back after Christmas.