Late July, 2018. I have been maintaining this blog for at least ten years. I cannot believe this, but it is true. As a result, I think I have said everything. I have typed in every single thought in my head. I have been funny, sometimes, dumb sometimes, and maybe sort of smart sometimes.
While I have no intention of stopping, it does get difficult to come up with a decent column, week after week. Since I don’t go in for politics very often, which I could rant about for hours, that limits me on that subject. I have blathered on about my grandchildren, my novels, and my husband.
So I thought I would try some stream-of-consciousness writing. You know, a jump start.
If I were going to be executed tomorrow, my last meal would be Kentucky Fried Chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, biscuits, and three pieces of chocolate fudge cake. My back hurts whenever I do too much housework. That tooth whitening toothpaste makes everything I eat afterwards taste too salty; are white teeth worth it? If my husband asks a waitress ONE MORE TIME if she is the “chef,” I will grab my steak knife and stab him.
When do you know you are officially an old woman? Is it when you no longer care if you like sensible shoes? Why is my nose always running? Speaking of noses, why is it that I am entirely incapable of sneezing just once, but instead have to do it at least three times in succession? How can people eat liver?
Thank God that fad of having concrete geese and putting outfits on them has passed. I know someone who nearly bled to death after a colonoscopy. Is kale ever going to go out of fashion? How can the movie they are making of Downton Abbey possibly be any good? Thank God I don’t have a peanut allergy.
Speaking of thanking God, thank God watermelon doesn’t have many calories. I envy people with laundry rooms on the same floor as their bedrooms. Why don’t they teach cursive writing any more? I like Instagram better than Twitter and Facebook. How do people come up with memes?
Should I call myself an artist, just because I have a good eye for abstracts? I couldn’t draw a realistic picture of a woman sitting in a chair if my life depended on it. Is my attention span shrinking because of social media? Kittens are SO MUCH cuter than puppies. I haven’t cleaned my oven in over a year. My husband thinks we have bedbugs because he doesn’t wear OFF when he golfs.
Although I haven’t had a donut in twenty some years, I bet I could eat at least five of them in one sitting. My husband says we have too many books. What does he want? A bunch of empty bookshelves? If I got a dog, it would be a wire-haired dachshund. I am worried about the next time the cicadas come out of the ground by the millions. If I could choose, I would like to be a poet or a really good singer.
This was easy, I might just blog this way from now on.