HIM: What is all this stuff? We are going to be gone for a week. It looks as if you think we are moving!
ME: It’s a condo. The literature says that “renters are responsible for all bathroom, beach, cooking, and miscellaneous items.”
HIM: Is this condo in a resort? Don’t resorts have soap and towels?
ME: They apparently don’t have enough soap and towels for seven people. So we have to bring it. This is just my share. Oh, and the porta-crib and high chair are upstairs. Plus, luggage and golf clubs.
HIM: (looking through a bag) You are bringing candles? Does this place have electricity?
ME: Those are for atmosphere. Everything else is an essential. Like this Aloe Cream, for instance. One of the babies might get a sunburn. And the Tums. You know, heartburn.
HIM: You are covering all burn eventualities.
HIM: Ok, then what is this? (holds up a pack of AAA batteries)
ME: For the headlamps.
ME: Yes. For night exploring with your grandson.
HIM: Right. And I guess the binoculars are for…?
ME: Birdwatching. He might like birdwatching.
HIM: He’s three years old.
ME: We need to keep him occupied. You know, so he doesn’t get bored.
HIM: And birdwatching is SO not boring for three year old boys.
ME: The fishing poles were too expensive.
HIM: Not that sitting holding a pole for long periods with absolutely nothing happening isn’t boring. I am surprised you didn’t get a chess set.
ME: Oh, I did. Just a cheap one. His mother said we need to keep him mentally challenged.
HIM: Gotta go.
HIM: To the attic. I think I might be able to find my Master’s Thesis. It’s on Abstract Risk and Tangible Suffering: ADD/ADHD and Psychostimulant Medications. He might be interested in that.
ME: Sighs and packs one more beach towel and a jar of cinnamon…