ON THE ROAD AGAIN

HIM: What is all this stuff? We are going to be gone for a week. It looks as if you think we are moving!

ME: It’s a condo. The literature says that “renters are responsible for all bathroom, beach, cooking, and miscellaneous items.”

HIM: Is this condo in a resort? Don’t resorts have soap and towels?

ME: They apparently don’t have enough soap and towels for seven people. So we have to bring it. This is just my share. Oh, and the porta-crib and high chair are upstairs. Plus, luggage and golf clubs.

HIM: (looking through a bag) You are bringing candles? Does this place have electricity?

ME: Those are for atmosphere. Everything else is an essential. Like this Aloe Cream, for instance. One of the babies might get a sunburn. And the Tums. You know, heartburn.

HIM: You are covering all burn eventualities.

ME: Absolutely.

HIM: Ok, then what is this? (holds up a pack of AAA batteries)

ME: For the headlamps.

HIM: HEADLAMPS?

ME: Yes. For night exploring with your grandson.

HIM: Right. And I guess the binoculars are for…?

ME: Birdwatching. He might like birdwatching.

HIM: He’s three years old.

ME: We need to keep him occupied. You know, so he doesn’t get bored.

HIM: And birdwatching is SO not boring for three year old boys.

ME: The fishing poles were too expensive.

HIM: Not that sitting holding a pole for long periods with absolutely nothing happening isn’t boring. I am surprised you didn’t get a chess set.

ME: Oh, I did.  Just a cheap one. His mother said we need to keep him mentally challenged.

HIM: Gotta go.

ME: Where?

HIM: To the attic. I think I might be able to find my Master’s Thesis. It’s on Abstract Risk and Tangible Suffering: ADD/ADHD and Psychostimulant Medications. He might be interested in that.

ME: Sighs and packs one more beach towel and a jar of cinnamon…

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