A HOLIDAY HOW-TO, SORT OF

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This is Joanie. Joanie is holiday happy. Yes, Joanie is aware of the election results. But Joanie knows how to be chipper. These are some of the things Joanie does to be happy in December:

Joanie drinks a lot of eggnog, to begin with. The kind with rum.

Joanie has one of those pre-decorated artificial trees. No mess. Joanie has her husband drag it out of the attic, Joanie unfolds the thing, plugs it in, and voila! Done. Incidentally, Joanie’s children don’t come home for Christmas any longer, as they are grown. This explains why Joanie gets away with this. Because if one of her children flew home and saw the thing, there would be a tantrum. Though Joanie misses having her children in attendance, she loves the fact that un-decorating after the holidays is so incredibly easy.

Joanie listens to Christmas carols on her iPhone using earbuds–just about all day long. This drowns out the football games her husband watches this time of year. And frankly, the carols drown out Joanie’s husband as well.

Joanie does all her holiday shopping on Amazon.

Joanie makes slice and bake cookies. She holds her chin up high when her friends discuss the huge outlay of time it requires to buy all those little jars of sprinkles and sparkles, haul out the gingerbread recipe, rummage around in junk drawers for cookie cutters, and then bake, bake, bake. Joanie feels no guilt, whatsoever.

Joanie watches White Christmas all by herself in the afternoons. At least five times during December.

And when push comes to shove, Joanie firmly believes that the world will go on, people are intrinsically good, wars will end, Presidents will either lead or step down, and there will always be happy endings, somewhere, sometimes, somehow.

We should all be like Joanie.

 

 

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