KEEP THOSE PHONES LOCKED!

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Those terrorists might have said a lot of incriminating things on their cell phones. I get that. I also get it that Apple says that if a precedent is set by unlocking one phone, then all of us are in jeopardy of losing what little privacy we have left. I agree with this wholeheartedly. I certainly would not want anybody to unlock my phone.

For instance, my Google searches. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I get lost in a search, follow all sorts of alleyways, and suddenly find myself in a place that I am shocked to be in. Just yesterday, I started searching for “Kale recipes,” and in just a few clicks, I was in “the ten most disgusting foods,” followed by “liver,” and I ended up looking at a link for “Colorado Woman Guilty of Cutting Baby from Stranger’s Womb.” That’s just how fast one can go wrong on the Internet.

So what if some big brother type government group started looking into my online footprint? I shudder to think. I don’t want anyone to know how I ended up looking at “unusual tattoos.” Honestly, I didn’t set out to look for “Things you can do with toothpaste and a roll of duct tape,” and “The rise of beefcake yoga.” I just somehow ended up there.

I have heard there is an entire layer of the Internet that many of us know nothing about. That is where some people go to buy drugs, look for sex slaves, and obtain all sorts of horrific stuff using Bitcoins. Thank heavens those places are a bit harder to find than “Unusual uses for old knitting needles.” That notwithstanding, none of us would really look good under scrutiny if our cellphones were unlocked. So I certainly hope that the CIA or the FBI or whomever is watching over us figures out some other way to keep tabs on potential terrorists. Because I don’t want anyone to know what lurks in the depths of my search history.

Incidentally, once I found out what “Tantric Yoga” was, I had absolutely no interest in it.

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