The world is a very small place, all of a sudden. In terms of the span of time, I mean. For millions of years, there were only grunts or smoke signals. Then we evolved a little–if you wanted to talk to somebody who wasn’t in your line of sight, you might have to write a letter. And then that letter might take weeks to reach your friend. More progress: Alexander Graham Bell invented the phone. POW. We were in real time, baby! As long as you had either a land line or a dime to put in a pay phone, you could chat right then with another person who might be miles away. Just a second—did you notice that I said “land line?” That just slipped in. Of course, Mr. Bell had no idea that someday we might need to distinguish between a “land line” and the internet. Because now, we have iThings.
With our iThings, we can go on social media and chat away. At any time of the day or night. This is great for me, because I can’t sleep very well most nights. But thanks to my iThing, I can get on Facebook and see if my fellow insomniac, Amy (www.witfaced.com) is online. She always is, because , DUH, she can’t sleep, either. We have discussions in the dark, I beside my sleeping husband, and she beside her snoring one. Chicago and Dayton in the wee hours. We have monumental discussions. Here are some of the topics we discuss:
Night sweats; are there hypoallergenic cats; why is Goodnight Moon a classic because our kids hated it; did you know that watermelon has only 35 calories per cup; my husband gets up to pee three times a night; why does the camera add ten pounds when it could just as easily subtract ten—geez; I am sick of all the Facebook quizzes telling me which Breaking Bad character I am, but maybe you should write a quiz about which porn star you would be hahaha; what is your favorite movie; My God I hated that movie; I tried that “natural deodorant” but immediately got BO; hey, do you have a good recipe for leftover corn; and what are you doing tomorrow if you manage to actually go to sleep tonight.
Yes. I know. Thanks to the internet and social media, there was a revolution in Egypt. People shoot videos of important political events as they happen and broadcast them immediately. That guy whose name I forget made the world aware of just how much snooping our government is doing. As a matter of fact, G-men are probably reading my emails right now. And we see police brutality and world hunger in real time—just in time to do something about them. Or not.
Because I have the sneaking feeling that the majority of the world population who have iThings spend their time deep in the velvet darkness of night asking one another critical questions like whether or not they have ever considered smothering their snoring spouse with a pillow.