WIKIPEDIA R US

I am not sure whose idea Wikipedia was, but this web site is fantastic. It is an online encyclopedia of the people and by the people. This is how it works: anybody can create an entry about something on Wikipedia. All you have to do is the research and then figure out how to get your article about something/somebody up on the site. Wikipedia disclaims that some of the info it provides might not be entirely accurate, since, for example (this is a totally bogus example, by the way) the entry on Abraham Lincoln was written by Herman Flickmeyer of Cornfields, Georgia. Herman might not be the world’s Lincoln expert, but it doesn’t matter if he got his Lincoln info on Wikipedia first!

I guess one could go onto the site and correct obvious errors. For instance, if Herman erroneously declared that Mr. Lincoln drove a Cadillac, then that could be removed or corrected. Because everybody knows that Lincoln drove a Lincoln….duh!

So. I have been working on my own bio for Wikipedia. I think it is almost finished. And you can trust it completely, because who knows me better than I do? So here it is, the official Molly D. Campbell Wikipedia entry!

MOLLY D. CAMPBELL

BORN:  None of anybody’s business.

OCCUPATION: Writer. Or at least she thinks she is.

SPOUSE:  Yes, she has one. But this isn’t about him, for Lord’s sake!

CHILDREN: Yes. And they are both gorgeous and adore their mother.

EARLY LIFE AND EDUCATION: Molly had a lot of stomachaches in grade school. She used them as a ruse to stay home and watch General Hospital. These stomachaches were in large part due to her unpopularity:  she was the tallest kid in the whole school, including the principal, who was a man. Then came high school, which was equally dismal. No date for Homecoming.  College was much more fun, though. There Molly majored in theatre, and has enjoyed making a spectacle of herself ever since.

PERSONAL LIFE: Molly never excelled at homemaking or cooking, although she doggedly did her duty at home for years. After discovering Stouffer’s frozen meals and the Swiffer, Molly found life much easier.

AWARDS AND ACHIEVEMENTS: Molly feels that she deserves to win a huge award. This has not happened so far. She has an acceptance speech prepared, however.

OTHER PROJECTS: There is a lot of detritus up in the attic. That needs to be taken care of. Also, the door on the microwave sticks.  This may require an entire day to rectify. The cats shed a lot and spray the baseboards, and battling this is an ongoing project. The doctor says that even though it is very hard to lose that “baby weight” thirty six years after the baby was actually born, it needs to happen. And then there is all that exfoliating to do.

MISCELLANEOUS: Molly has a bucket list. Some of the items not yet checked off are 1) Losing the baby weight, 2) Having an affair with George Clooney, 3) Learning to like kale, 3) Reading Finnegan’s Wake, 4) Buying a loft in NYC and inviting George Clooney over, and 5) Winning the Pulitzer Prize.

Wait. I just read this: “If your life and achievements are verifiable and genuinely noticeable, someone else will probably create a Wikipedia entry about you sooner or later. We strongly discourage autobiographies.”

Oh.

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