DARKNESS

I read somewhere that tonight will be the darkest one in 500 years. There is going to be a lunar eclipse that will blot out everything. Wow. We will be like those early humans. The ones who had very dark nights long, long ago. Things happen in darkness. Bad things.

Here are some bad things that could happen tonight:

Boogey men will walk the neighborhood, stealing things out of your car. This happened to me one night that wasn’t so dark. I guess that is why the bad guy just took some Kleenex and my parking meter change—not dark enough for rooting around for too long in my garage. But tonight, be sure your car doors are securely locked. And take those Christmas Carol CD’s out of your glove box. Oh, and the gun.

There could be wolves. There could! Or coyotes. Or assorted raccoons. The raccoons might knock over your garbage cans. So be sure to shut the garage door. This will also help thwart the Boogey Man (see above).

Getting up to go to the bathroom in the wee hours? There won’t be moonlight, so you could trip and fall over the shoes you so carelessly kicked off when you went to bed. So tread carefully. One time I tripped over a cat. This was unpleasant all the way around. So maybe a flashlight is in order tonight.

Nightmares. These are always horrible, but in total blackness, they can be worse. If you wake up screaming, you won’t realize that you are awake. It will be too dark.

And if you get up for a snack, you could easily misgauge and fall down the stairs. I have never personally fallen down a flight of stairs, but people always seem to die of this in the movies. Plug in those night lights, people!

Let’s not even talk about Zombies.

 

I think I will just stay up all night. With lights on, dressed, and my car keys in hand, in case I have to make a fast getaway. From the wolves or raccoons. And you can bet that I will heave a sigh of relief at dawn. Then I will take a huge nap. In broad daylight.

 

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