My husband is just a little bit pompous. This is not always apparent; he can be joyful and charming at cocktail parties and church picnics. Check-out clerks think he’s a cute little skinny guy with a big smile. The neighbors just love him. Residents of nursing homes find him and his accordion very endearing.
But underneath all of this bonhomie lurks the heart of an elitist. This man, known only to his family, puts the population of the world into two categories. For him, there exist those who do things correctly and view the world logically, and those who apparently do everything wrong. These categories are referred to as “SOME PEOPLE” and “OTHER PEOPLE.” The “some people” category is huge, and rife with fools and ingrates. “Other People” is a very small and illustrious group of brilliant and rational individuals. As a matter of fact, I suspect that “Other People” has just one member: my husband. But perhaps an example would be more illuminating:
ME: Why are you driving so slowly?
HIM: Because SOME PEOPLE don’t seem to realize that this is a school zone.
My membership in the group of “Some People” was established early on in our marriage, when I began to occasionally exceed the balance in my check book. It was then that I was informed that SOME PEOPLE just write checks without doing the math in the little column on the right side of the check register, while OTHER PEOPLE make sure that there is money in the account before buying a Crock Pot.
Actually, I feel at times that I am flattering myself to think there are lots of members of “Some People.” I think that maybe “Some People” is just a euphemism for “Molly,” because “Some People” seem to limit their activities to just what I happen to be doing or thinking at the moment. Another example may help here:
HIM: (While unpacking newly arrived groceries) SOME PEOPLE apparently don’t check the cupboards before going to the store. OTHER PEOPLE count the Ketchups in the cupboard and take note that there are already two bottles on the shelf.
ME: Martha Stewart always advises that one have a well stocked pantry.
HIM: Does Martha have (looking into the spice shelf) four Cinnamons and, let’s see here, two bottles of “SOUR SALT?”
ME: Well, SOME PEOPLE have to do all the shopping. It might be more productive if OTHER PEOPLE joined in.
HIM: Uh, huh. SOME PEOPLE have more time to shop. OTHER PEOPLE have to practice accordion, go to Rotary meetings, learn how to use the new “Flip” video camera, take down the outdoor Christmas lights, and shovel the walks.
So here I am, along with some people, being held to a high standard, and suffering from comparisons to other people. I have decided that I really love some people. Other people, not so much…
Molly is a two time Erma Bombeck Writing Award winner, in both the humor and human interest categories. She won honorable mentions in 2010 and 2012.
Hmm, intresting in that I seem to fall into both groups. Balancing the cheque book? I never do which makes me some people. Checking the cupboards? I’m totally anal about this which I guess makes me other people. I’d love for your husband to meet mine as I’m sure they’d get on like a house on fire.
Some people read this and laugh their heads off. Other people probably don’t have time cause they’re too busy counting condiments and balancing the checkbook. My husband is a CPA. I get to hear about “some people” all the time. Actually, it’s pretty much “everybody else” that doesn’t understand simple tax code, accounting, AR, PR, balancing a checkbook, driving in traffic, using their computer…
ps. what the heck is sour salt??
LOL! Wonderful blog, Molly. SOME PEOPLE really have a knack for simply wonderful writing!
I think you’re definitely the person to be Erma Bombeck’s replacement. If your local paper won’t give you a column, send in SOME PEOPLE to make that happen.
I don’t know what sour salt is either.
But apparently SOME PEOPLE have it
Great post, Molly. I hope OTHER PEOPLE see the humor in it…heh.
This is so wonderful and funny, Molly.
I had a friend in college who referred to Ohioans in the same way that your husband uses the phrase “some people.” I kept trying to convince him that our cheese is just fine, our accents are not THAT annoying, but it was no use. Compared to New England, Ohio was just a bunch of SOME peoples.
So, I guess this is a round-about way of saying that you are just a product of the Buckeye state according to one New Englander, as I am
Sour salt is used in sauces, such as spaghetti, to make them more pungent or less sweet. One jar lasts a life time. The second jar will be listed in my will. molly
That’s hysterical and so spot on! My husband uses different words than “some people” but he definitely means the same thing: his way is “right.” Great piece!
So glad other people don’t live in my home, only some people!
Other People don’t seem to know that there’s nothing to learn to operate a Flip. And Some People know what the heck Sour Salt is. (I love this post.)
Loved this column, Molly.
You could sell that second bottle of sour salt on ebay along with a certain accordion…
Maybe opposites do attract which would explain why ‘some people’ marry ‘other people.’
Hahahahaahahh!!! This is hilarious! And so TOTALLY TRUE!!!
Haaha! I find that I often categorize people into the ‘some people’ category. If only the rest of the world was as smart as I…
By the way, what IS sour salt??
Still laughing over this one.
good writing… I subscribe to your RSS feed. Keep blogging please.
Thank you all for the comments! Sour salt is used to make things, well, SOUR. I use it in spaghetti sauce. xo molly
ROTFL –> “My membership in the group of “Some People” was established early on in our marriage…”
Oh, Molly, thanks for the laugh this morning!
Hilarious!!!
Molly, you are great!
Wayne