SOME PEOPLE

My husband is just a little bit pompous. This is not always apparent; he can be joyful and charming at cocktail parties and church picnics. Check-out clerks think he’s a cute little skinny guy with a big smile. The neighbors just love him. Residents of nursing homes find him and his accordion very endearing. 

But underneath all of this bonhomie lurks the heart of an elitist. This man, known only to his family, puts the population of the world into two categories. For him, there exist those who do things correctly and view the world logically, and those who apparently do everything wrong. These categories are referred to as “SOME PEOPLE” and “OTHER PEOPLE.”  The “some people” category is huge, and rife with fools and ingrates. “Other People” is a very small and illustrious group of brilliant and rational individuals. As a matter of fact, I suspect that “Other People” has just one member: my husband. But perhaps an example would be more illuminating: 

ME: Why are you driving so slowly? 

HIM:  Because SOME PEOPLE don’t seem to realize that this is a school zone. 

My membership in the group of “Some People” was established early on in our marriage, when I began to occasionally exceed the balance in my check book. It was then that I was informed that SOME PEOPLE just write checks without doing the math in the little column on the right side of the check register, while OTHER PEOPLE make sure that there is money in the account before buying a Crock Pot. 

Actually, I feel at times that I am flattering myself to think there are lots of members of “Some People.” I think that maybe “Some People” is just a euphemism for “Molly,” because “Some People” seem to limit their activities to just what I happen to be doing or thinking at the moment. Another example may help here: 

HIM: (While unpacking newly arrived groceries) SOME PEOPLE apparently don’t check the cupboards before going to the store. OTHER PEOPLE count the Ketchups in the cupboard and take note that there are already two bottles on the shelf. 

ME: Martha Stewart always advises that one have a well stocked pantry. 

HIM:    Does Martha have (looking into the spice shelf) four Cinnamons and, let’s see here, two bottles of “SOUR SALT?” 

ME: Well, SOME PEOPLE have to do all the shopping. It might be more productive if OTHER PEOPLE joined in. 

HIM: Uh, huh. SOME PEOPLE  have more time to shop. OTHER PEOPLE have to practice accordion, go to Rotary meetings, learn how to use the new “Flip” video camera, take down the outdoor Christmas lights, and shovel the walks. 

 So here I am, along with some people, being held to a high standard, and suffering from comparisons to other people. I have decided that I really love some people. Other people, not so much…

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