BELATED THANKS

Thanksgiving is done. No more leftovers, and the rest of the gravy has been consigned to the freezer for future mashes. I am left with an expanded waist, good intentions for dieting, and a dried wishbone. I am glad it is over, but I feel the need to share my thoughts and feelings. Here are some of the things I am thankful for: 

As the wife of an accordion player, I am very thankful to have a basement. It serves as one layer between me and the Lady of Spain, and even though I can still hear her, at least she isn’t in the same room. I am baffled as to why she is so adored. 

I am very grateful for foundation garments. Especially at this time of year, when feasting is so prevalent. Thank goodness today’s women don’t have to wear corsets with stays of whalebone. Did you know that Spanx was invented by two young skinny girls? Their mothers must be so proud. 

I have mixed feelings about my Kindle. I adore it. It is with me at all times. I can survey the Kindle store from my bed at midnight, and never have to be without reading material. Mine has a gorgeous purple leather case that I got for half price on EBay. The Kindle fits in my purse, and I can read it while walking on the treadmill. But wait–here is the rub:  Kindle also provides GAMES. In the past month, I have not finished a book, but I have spent at least two hours daily constructing a “Megalopolis” by matching grass, flowers, bushes and trees. Castles are involved. There are wizards. I can see the game screen when I close my eyes. I  sense the family is considering an intervention. 

I am thankful for Mark Zuckerberg. Evidently he is a real jerk, but without him, social media wouldn’t exist, and I would be one sad sister. I have hundreds of friends on Facebook who seem to really enjoy seeing pictures of my kitchen. I have gotten back in touch with my entire first grade class. And don’t get me started on Twitter! I joined less than a year ago, and I already have close to four thousand best friends there. I consider Twitter my emergency resource: I have tweeted for help with a bat in the bedroom, toothpaste that is killing my taste buds, recipes for Yorkshire Pudding, and the definition of “talk to the hand.”  In each case, there was a person somewhere in the world (also staring at a computer screen with nothing better to do) who knew the answer. 

This is just a partial list. I could go on and on; there are so many things to be grateful for: daughters, donuts, pedicures, microwave ovens, Stouffer’s frozen entrees, dogs and cats, Starbucks, Santa, my sister, Kleenex with lotion, hair dye, best friends, outlet malls, toast, Etsy, Diet Coke, and Beano. 

It is a wonder that we even have a Thanksgiving holiday tradition in this country, however. I saw a documentary about the first Thanksgiving. They served boiled fish, gruel, and venison with onions. Sugar wasn’t available to the early settlers. It was freezing, and I am sure that the Native Americans didn’t bring any really good food, either. It must have been a dismal meal, and there were no football games. 

Good grief, I am thankful that I wasn’t a Pilgrim…

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