This afternoon, I had the pleasure of being interviewed by myself.
Here is the transcript:
ME: Good afternoon, Molly.
ME: How has the pandemic been for you? Do you think the worst is behind us?
ME: I am confused as the next person. I am confused because the Delta variant has convinced many unvaccinated people to get shots, while simultaneously convincing others that getting the vaccine is now unnecessary. It seems to be going both ways, and I am totally flummoxed.
ME: Understandable. So we won’t talk about that. How have you been passing the time during the past months?
ME: You must not read my blog. I talk about that all the time.
ME: Oh. Ok. Here’s an idea–shall we do the Proust Questionnaire?
ME: It might be fun.
What is your idea of perfect happiness? Eating chocolate cake and not getting A) huge hips, B) a sugar crash afterwards, and C) a massive sense of guilt.
What is your greatest fear? Besides cancer and that our AC will go out during climate change? I guess that would be death.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Introversion while simultaneously wanting to be the center of attention.
What is the trait you most deplore in others? Wanting to be the center of attention.
Which person do you most admire? That runs the gamut from Erma Bombeck to Amal Clooney.
What is your greatest extravagance? Amazon. Jeff Bezos has me in his top ten.
What is your current state of mind? I am always worried about something. For instance, today I am concerned that my washing machine tub might have black mold growing inside it. I just ordered special cleaning tablets from Amazon.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Don’t get me started on people who win huge awards, saying afterwards that they are “humbled.” Awards do not make one humble. LOSING AWARDS makes you humble, for God’s sake.
On what occasion do you lie? There are so many occasions in which lying is called for. One example: Answering the question “How are you?” FINE. Fine is the only answer. Nobody is fine, but nobody wants to know this. Another example: Answering “No, I am stuffed,” when the host asks if you want seconds on the mashed potatoes.
What do you most dislike about your appearance? My GOD. I have ears like Mr. Spock.
Which living person do you most despise? It’s a man. A big man. A despicable man. He has a wife with squinty eyes. His last name starts with a T and ends with a P.
What is the quality you most like in a man? Everyone says it’s a sense of humor, so that goes without saying. So my answer is a sense of irony. Like last night, as we were eating corn on the cob, my husband mentioned that we were fresh out of dental floss.
What is the quality you most like in a woman? I would have to say empathy. For instance, when I am on WW, a true friend will wear Spanx, even if she is thin.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? Good grief, that’s a tough question.
What or who is the greatest love of your life? For certain, it is NOT the accordion.
When and where were you the happiest? Sitting on my balcony at night, talking and laughing with my children and my grandchildren.
Which talent would you most like to have? I would like to be an Irish Clog dance champion. That or one of those Electro Swing dancers. Google Vico Neo and you will understand.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Didn’t I mention my ears??
What do you consider your greatest achievement? Writing books and keeping this blog going for so long that some of my readers have died of old age.
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what would it be? I would like to come back as a poet or an Irish Clog dancer. Or perhaps a clog dancer who writes poems.
Where would you most like to live? Next door to a cookbook author. Free samples.
What is your most treasured possession? That would have to be my iPhone. I could not live without it. Photos, YouTube, and of course, Amazon.
What do you regard as the depth of misery? You mean, for a human being? Torture. For me, with my privilege and age? Sitting in a waiting room without my iPhone.
What is your favorite occupation? You may be surprised that it isn’t writing. Reading is high on the list. Eating is the truest, most honest answer. Cake would be involved.
What is your most marked characteristic? Do we have to keep coming back to my ears?
What do you most value in your friends? I would have to say the fact that they are still alive.
Who are your most favorite writers? All of them.
Who is your hero of fiction? Anne of Green Gables.
Which historical figure do you most identify with? Well, it isn’t Joan of Arc, I can tell you that.
Who are your heroes in real life? Writers who manage to write more books than I have.
What are your favorite names? When I was five, I wanted to change my name to Annabricks.
What is it that you most dislike? When my husband interviews the wait staff at restaurants. I am so thankful to the pandemic for our prolonged absence from local eateries.
What is your greatest regret? That chocolate cake isn’t good for you.
How would you like to die? See chocolate cake, above. Perhaps with two scoops of coffee ice cream and some fudge sauce.
What is your motto? “Never have a motto.”